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Do you work with a mean girl?
A woman’s field guide to the new frontier of professional development—working with other women Women-to-women relationships in the workplace are…complicated. When they’re good, they’re great. But when they’re bad, they can ruin your day, your week—even your year.
Packed with proven advice from two of today’s leading experts in workplace relationships, this one-of-a-kind guide gives women the tools they need to navigate difficult situations unique to women-to-women relationships—whether with a boss, a colleague, a client, or an employee.
Have you dealt with a woman in the workplace who:
• “Accidentally” excludes you from important meetings?
• Seems intent on taking you down professionally?
• Gossips about you with other coworkers?
• Makes you look bad by missing deadlines?
• Forms a “pack” of mean girls to make your life miserable?
Mean Girls at Work isn’t just about surviving difficult situations. It’s about transforming a toxic relationship into one that benefits and supports both of you.
This audiobook is also for women who engage in mean behavior…but don’t know it. After all, who hasn’t gossiped about a female coworker? Who hasn’t rolled her eyes in the presence of a woman she doesn’t like? Who hasn’t scanned another woman head to toe—which is just a nonverbal way of saying, “You’ve just been judged?” The authors provide invaluable advice to the more subtle ways of being mean—even if they’re not intended.
With a workforce composed of a higher percentage of women than ever, workplace dynamics have changed. Crowley and Elster cover every conceivable scenario, providing critical advice on how to rise above the fray and move forward professionally.
Mean Girls at Work is your map to dodging the mines and moving forward in today’s transformed workplace.
- Sales Rank: #2349255 in Books
- Published on: 2014-12-16
- Formats: Audiobook, CD, MP3 Audio, Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 6.75" h x .50" w x 5.25" l,
- Running time: 5 Hours
- Binding: MP3 CD
Amazon.com Review
Ten Tips for Winning with Mean Girls at Work
Have you encountered a mean girl at work? A mean girl could be someone who seems jealous of your accomplishments, a woman who excludes you from important meetings, a female colleague who puts you down in public, or just someone whose poor work habits constantly get you into trouble. What ever her behavior is, it sets you off – leaving you feeling upset and unable to be your best professional self. Dealing with another woman’s cold or unkind behavior can be challenging, but you don’t have to be held hostage by it. Here are ten tips for WINNING with any mean girl at work:
1. Don’t take her bait – When a mean girl attacks, she’s looking for a reaction from you. If she attacks you in a meeting, she’ll want to see you angry or crying or otherwise upset. Getting a reaction from you gratifies the mean side of her.
2. Don’t believe that what she says is true – This rule is especially important when dealing with a mean girl who likes to gossip and spread rumors. If she comes to you with gossip, don’t get drawn in.
3. Don’t engage in negative speak about her –Why? Because you’re fueling the power struggle between the two of you. And you may end up looking like the pettier person.
4. Be friendly without being friends –If you discover that one of your colleagues acts in ways you don’t like, you don’t have to shut her out. Rather, you can maintain a cordial relationship with her where you only discuss the work at hand.
5. Aim for professional behavior at all times – We call this taking the High Road. Acting professional towards all women in your workplace – regardless of how you feel about them – is a key component of “winning” with mean girls.
6. Keep communication short and to the point –Aim for short, focused interactions with this woman where you only discuss essential work-related topics. Think, ‘Proper inter-office communication – no more, no less.”
7. Find a safe person to confide in – It’s best to find a confidante outside of the office setting who can hear your story and offer solid advice.
8. Don’t roll your eyes when she speaks –Rolling your eyes conveys impatience and irritation with what the other woman is saying. Check yourself to make sure you don’t do that or engage in other forms of non-verbal attacking.
9. Don’t avoid her – In an attempt to limit your exposure to the mean girl’s barbs, you may want to hide whenever you see her or find ways to minimize any contact with her. But if you avoid her, she’ll know that you fear her – and that puts you in a more vulnerable position.
10. Don’t take anything she says or does personally – this is the ultimate lesson when dealing with a mean girl. Whatever she’s doing, it’s not about you – even though her taunts have your name on them. Mean girls generally have poor self-esteem and are easily threatened. You aren’t the first person she’s mean to, and you won’t be the last.
From Booklist
*Starred Review* Years ago, it was called the Queen Bee Syndrome, denoting the propensity of female bosses to overdo their authority in the workplace. Now, psychotherapist-consultant team and multibook authors (including Working with You Is Killing Me, 2006) Crowley and Elster more precisely define the “mean bee,” segmenting bad female behaviors into seven categories: meanest of the mean, very mean, passively mean, doesn’t mean to be mean, doesn’t know she’s mean, brings out your mean, and group mean. Not enough differentiation among these personalities, you fear? Relax; perhaps the most critical part of the book is when the authors first describe the specific variations of meanness, then detail not only particular actions but also your feelings and what to do (as well as what not to do). One case among dozens is this: being excluded from a meeting. The rule is, don’t assume it’s purposeful. Simply say you believe it was an oversight and continue to repeat, “I’d like to be included in any future meetings of this kind.” That type of listing can get tedious; Crowley and Elster change it up by including real-life but disguised stories in the chapter “In Her Own Words” and general psychological reinforcements in “Coffee Breaks,” with topics ranging from taking it less personally to pausing to breathe. --Barbara Jacobs
Review
"Offers a friendly, consoling tone that is sure to help women who are at their wits' end. The book even asks readers to examine their own office behavior, pointing out that even seemingly innocuous gossip can be harmful to others." Bust Magazine 20130110
Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
The Female Office Predator
By PA Rebecca
Every working woman needs to read this book. Unfortunately, today the business world is more competitive and to survive, one needs some sound advice, particularly when working with women. I was old school and was not prepared for the animosity towards older workers. Also, there is a new trend of meanness today. Let me state though, I have worked with many tough-minded and exceptionally smart women. It Is always one or two that create problems and also connect with some that are not completely happy and then they proceed to make a person's life so miserable that they quit. That is their intent. I did not quit. I learned. You will also find that these particular women do not do very much work and push off as much as they can to other workers.
This book is exceptionally well written in that the mean girl action is identified, what she does, how it makes you feel, and what you do to handle the situation.
16 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
Amazing
By About to Be
I have recently been working for a mean girl, and this book helps me everyday. I have read it over and over and I gain knowledge and insight every time. This book helps you to work with the women that are just "mean."
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
good insight and how to's for women
By R. West
Filled with all sorts of examples and short anecdotes, this book is a well written guide for taking on those less than friendly girls in the workplace. From those passive aggressive remarks to more brave undercutting, several behavior types are organized and explained. Suggestions for dealing with each are clearly instructed. A short example is given lastly. They are all very practical though putting them into action on the spot will take some practice if, like myself, you are less than assertive.
What I took from this book, as a whole, is to know it is them. It isn't you. Generally, the best way to handle meanies is to ignore them. This advice, along with some other tactics, are discussed and demonstrated.
See all 66 customer reviews...
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